The Secrets Men Keep: How Men Make Life and Love Tougher Than It Has to Be

Stephen Arterburn

The Secrets Men Keep is an effort to address a wide variety of secrets that “every man” keeps. Since it addresses 25 of these secrets in just over 250 pages, its comment on each is relatively cursory and is very formulaic.

The topics addressed were based on a survey of 3,600 men, asking questions about things such as finances, fame and family; feelings; spirituality; relationships with women; and sexuality. Within each broad category, several chapters are devoted to more specific areas that the questionnaire showed significant common beliefs among men.

As I said, the chapters are very formulaic. They begin with a general introduction to the subject, which is often anecdotal. Then, the chapter turns to “what we know about men and [chapter subject],” a section where Arterburn runs through the results of the survey, relates other data from similar studies, and often provides more anecdotal evidence. Third, the chapter addresses “what [chapter subject] means to men,” where Arterburn approaches it from a more psychological perspective—addressing the data from a man’s perspective. Finally, the chapter ends with “New Directions” (Arterburn puts on his counselor hat and offers suggestions and solutions) and “New Connections” (advice to wives, mothers and girlfriends who are reading to better understand their man, and couples who are reading the book together).

Most likely, you’ll find chapters that are applicable to you and chapters that aren’t. Such is the nature of a book about men based on a survey. I found the chapters I identified with to be relatively helpful, though not as extensive as I would have liked. Again, such is the nature of this type of book. Finally, I was disappointed with what seemed like a fair amount of Freudian psychology throughout the book. I guess that this is growing in popularity, even among so-called Christian authors.

Overall, I found reading it worth my while, although it’s probably not the kind of book I’d suggest everyone run out and buy right now.